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As Abraham Lincoln once said, "My great concern is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with your failure. And also where all the strip clubs in LA are. And, like, whether they're full nude, or topless, or whatevs. Here are all of LA's strip clubs, sorted by nudity level and neighborhood. Or maybe they Nudity level: Fully nude.

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Nudity level: Topless. We think. And with an active Instagramyou can get a preview of the, ahem, coming attractions. East LA Food: No Booze: Yes Remember that dude you heard about who converted a run-down bar into a not-as-run-down strip club by adding lots of mirrors, red lightbulbs, and a small stage with a pole? Yeah, his full nude near me was Nicola. Los Feliz Food: No Booze: Yes Definitely the "fanciest" of the bikini-clad pole-dancing ts, Cheetahs offers just enough grit and just enough polish to convince your visiting cousin that you live an edgy, yet respectable life in the big city.

Nudity level: Bikini bar. Lennox Food: Yes Booze: No Oh, so you happen to have time before your flight at LAX and want to grab a burger or a steak while watching lots of nakedness? Jet Strip is the place to land. The drink specials are always an added bonus. Oh, wait, yes you will. Hyde Park Food: No Booze: Yes This super-tiny bikini bar feels a bit like a locals-only spot, though they do offer a little something for the ladies on Sunday nights. It may not be the most spacious, but the late hours are a big draw open until 4am Sunday-Thursday, 5am Friday-Saturday.

A laid-back, friendly vibe, pool tables, a well-stocked bar, and Plus, admission is free if you get there before pm, so who can complain about that? North Hollywood Food: No Booze: Yes This mom-and-pop-owned neighborhood dive is home to some acrobatic dancers and some not-so acrobatic ones.

As a bonus, on slow days you can shoot pool with them and listen to them talk trash about each other while they eat their lunch. Or so we hear. The Candy Cat One closed, but Two lives on, proving that cats do indeed have more than one life. Nudity level: Bikini Bar. Van Nuys Food: Yes Booze: Yes This local standby may make headlines for all the wrong reasons, but as long as it stays out of the news, the dancers and the lunch specials keep the crowds happy.

Beverly Grove Food: No Booze: No Just up the street from the Beverly Center and Cedars-Sinai, Synn is one of the more oddly located strip clubs -- or one of the more conveniently located, depending on your perspective.

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West LA Food: No Booze: No There are many reasons that we consider this classy t to be one of the best strip clubs in the countrybut that model-esque dancer inviting you to the VIP room with a bed will likely do a better job convincing you. But the place did just get remodeled, adding an improved food and drink menu, so maybe it will become your favorite eatery once again -- especially thanks to the addition of dancing, bikini-clad women. Uh yeah, you can skip plan A. Los Angeles. Sam's Hofbrau. Cheetahs Club Hollywood. Nicola's Gentlemen's Club East LA Food: No Booze: Yes Remember that dude you heard about who converted a run-down bar into a not-as-run-down strip club by adding lots of mirrors, red lightbulbs, and a small stage with a pole?

Cheetahs Los Feliz Food: No Booze: Yes Definitely the "fanciest" of the bikini-clad pole-dancing ts, Cheetahs offers just enough grit and just enough polish to convince your visiting cousin that you live an edgy, yet respectable life in the big city. Jet Strip Gentlemen's Club.

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Knockouts Gentlemen's Club. Gabriella Muttone. Charlie's Live Entertainment Hyde Park Food: No Booze: Yes This super-tiny bikini bar feels a bit like a locals-only spot, though they do offer a little something for the ladies on Sunday nights. Club Star Garden North Hollywood Food: No Booze: Yes This mom-and-pop-owned neighborhood dive is home to some acrobatic dancers and some not-so acrobatic ones. Club Van Nuys Food: Yes Booze: Yes This local standby may make headlines for all the wrong reasons, but as long as it stays out of the news, the dancers and the lunch specials keep the crowds happy.

Danny Jensen is a regular Thrillist contributor who looks forward to sharing this article with his grandmother, so that she can see where all the birthday money she sent him has gone. Make it rain for him on Instagram and Twitter. Our Newsletter. Become a Local Insider in Los Angeles. Get our expert guides to your new favorite city.

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