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Although the ritualized behavior of the S and M relationship has traditionally belonged to only the most sexually daring. Clearly, times have changed. A University of Colorado sophomore coed nears orgasm in a parked car as her football player date unzips his fly.
She is handcuffed and blindfolded, her only sensory input being his rigid cock slicking in and out of her mouth. A Wall Street broker leaves his offices early for his bi weekly hour session of bondage and humiliation with his dominatrix-mistress before going home to his family in Connecticut. An engaged couple in Houston sit in a French restaurant shyly courting over dinner. An elegantly dressed woman in a SoHo play sternly reprimands her pupil and is in turn forced by her principal to lift her skirt for "six of the best" with a birch rod.
She leaves the stage to enthusiastic applause with a half-dozen scarlet welts blazing on her buttocks. Sadomasochism has become a startlingly popular and widely accepted sexual practice among Americans. Kept under wraps as a s and m for beginners of the sexual underground for years, S and M is now popping up all over the place: in the commercial media, in the cinema, in the shopping mall. Even Time magazine reports that sadomasochism is out of the closet.
S and M has come of age. What is it all about? Let's start with the word itself, the S and M of it. The term sadism, meaning pleasure derived from inflicting pain, is taken from the French sadisme, after the Marquis de Sade — This 18th century French nobleman declared that only through the medium of sexual violence could people heal themselves of their socially inflicted scars. The term masochism, meaning pleasure derived from experiencing pain, was coined by Krafft-Ebing and refers to the German novelist Leopold von Sacher-Masoch —who wrote Venus in Furs.
In this semi-autobiographical erotic classic, he describes his fantasy of being abused and abandoned by a cruel mistress swathed in furs to al her cruel mood. Simply put, erotic sadomasochism is a willing exchange of control between lovers. It is a sexual practice of myriad forms and ascending levels of intensity. Many elements come into play: costumes, spanking, bondage, the stinging kisses of the rod, verbal humiliation, and much more. Pain, which can provide a blossoming rush of pleasure, may be involved.
Fantasy games are a basic raw material of S and M. Role playing allows the lovers to evoke their most provocative sexual thoughts and subterranean memories. Eroticized scenarios may be casual or complex. For example, the mere mention of a catchphrase in bed can program a certain style of sex.
More elaborately, there is the well-practiced S and M devotee who dresses in full police gear and "apprehends" his wife on a monthly basis, letting her persuade him not to "arrest" her in exchange for her best fellatio. Bondage is another theme in S and M, for many reasons.
The satisfaction in this specific kind of control—surrender is almost universal. The idea of struggling against restraints is a tremendous stimulant to many people. Giving up control to another person completely is exhilarating to many people. Conversely, being in control of another person who is restrained may be an absolute turn on. Bondage can also work in that pain factor mentioned before, which can be pleasurable. S and M enthusiasts use a highly developed jargon. Since sadist and masochist can be harsh terms for lovers, people in the scene use other words to mean the same thing but without the violent connotations.
S means sadist and M means masochist. Top and bottom also enjoy wide use in denoting sadist and masochist, respectively, and s and m for beginners probably the most popular and colloquial terms. To describe someone as a "hot top man" or a "heavy bottom" calls up pleasurable fantasies for those in the field.
Dominant and submissive are also useful terms, because of both easy comprehensibility and the implied element of control instead of brutality. The submissive offers control of their orgasm to the dominant lover. The dominant takes control, guiding the submissive beyond their limits toward the ultimate pleasure of surrender.
Dominatrix and master refer to female and male experts in sexual dominance, respectively. They are addressed as Mistress and Master, Madam and Sir. Sometimes more creative forms are used, such as "Baroness von Cleef" or "Lord Preston. What transpires in a typical S and M encounter? While they vary based on the situation, dynamics, and limits of the individuals involved, we cite two actual scenes. Both involve New York City couples, each with a long-standing continuity of erotic experience with each other. These scenes represent well-rehearsed patterns of ritual and response.
Although S and M doesn't always include genital sex, both of these couples incorporate intercourse into many of their scenes together. Abby Henderson and Evan Myers go from their midtown offices one afternoon a week to meet their dominant lovers. Evan sees his mistress every Thursday after work; Abby waits for Logan to call to arrange their lunchtime trysts. Both report heavy masturbatory fantasizing before and after their S and M rendezvous. This is difficult for Evan because, in preparation for his "Baroness," she demands that he abstain from ejaculation.
She also eschews her usual pantyhose for stockings and garters and removes her panties before visiting her lover's Chelsea advertising agency. At other times, late at night, he has had her call up from a phone booth on the corner, instructing her to strip naked as she comes up on the elevator, but on this occasion she walks demurely past the receptionist and into his office.
Abby met Logan while doing voiceover work for him, and they have been seeing each other in a master-slave relationship off and on for three years. As Logan has trained her, Abby closes the door, removes her skirt, crosses her wrists behind her s and m for beginners, and waits for permission to kneel at his feet. First, Logan has her walk around the room, watching her long legs, balanced on high stiletto heels. He fixates on the little triangle of naked space at the top of her thighs. When he asks her to clear the butcher block coffee table, Abby knows she will be spending most of her lunch hour on her back with her wrists roped to its legs.
Over the years, Abby and Logan have worked out their favorite rituals, negotiating limits and parameters, so that each gets the most out of their time together. Although this is their most familiar scene, Abby is whimpering and pleading from the minute the clothespins come out of the drawer. Logan silences her by putting his cock in her mouth. He places earphones on her—and a blindfold.
Then, one by one, he begins to clamp the wooden pins onto her flesh in two arcs, beginning inside her stretched armpits and moving toward her nipples. Each new clamp brings a jerk and a groan from Abby until her entire torso undulates from intensity of the sensations. He reminds her to breathe, rubbing her stomach and kissing her.
Sometimes, in fact, I leave—that's part of it. These are discussed ahead of time, so while she is surprised at the placement of the s and m for beginners clothes pin, she is not surprised they are on her body. He pulls out of her mouth and mounts her. Logan enjoys the imminence of Abby's orgasm immediately upon penetration. This is the of a good scene for him. She begs permission to come, which is granted; her body tenses, arching to meet his thrusts. Before she slips back from her orgasmic plateau, Logan removes Abby's blindfold and one of the clothespins. Still inside her, he begins to pattern his rhythm on her writhing.
Each withdrawn clothespin releases a new wave of muscle contractions and gasping from Abby, which Logan cuts into with his thrusts. Soon Abby is begging to come for the fourth and fifth times. With all the pins removed except the two clamping the nipples themselves. Kate Jenning was also drawn into the S and M scene by her lover, Evan Myers, a corporate vice-president. Evan had bought the services of several professional dominatrixes but was much happier when he found a dominant streak in his mistress. After six months of experimenting, they now choose to keep their dominant-submissive activities quite separate from the rest of their relationship.
This makes it possible for them to isolate the intense role playing they find so satisfying in their scenes. Evan and Kate have an elaborate seduction ritual. Since he is excited by the image of an elegant, unapproachable woman, they arrange to meet as strangers in an empty East Side lounge. The sight of her sitting alone, dressed in a business suit and a fox stole, staring at him coolly through cigarette smoke, haunts his masturbatory fantasies.
Although Evan feels he has surrendered himself to Kate's mastery—"She owns my manhood," he says—it is he who usually chooses the type of scene they will enact, indicating his preference in this case by wearing his special punishment belt and a leather thong around his throat. After watching him adjust himself and steal glances at her for several minutes, Kate rises and leaves the bar, with her powerful executive trailing submissively behind. Inside her apartment, she settles herself again into a chair with a cigarette to watch Evan undress and present himself on his knees, with an unbidden erection.
This of premature arousal will be added to his list of faults.S and m for beginners
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S&M For Beginners: Every Kinky Thing To Know Before You Try It Out